More good tips for divorcing dads.

During a divorce you will be giving away over 50% of what you have earned in your life. If you have young kids, then even this considerable sum will be much smaller than the amount of Child Maintenance you will be forced to pay.

After divorce the mother will almost certainly end up with more money, assets and a significantly higher net income that the father. Why does the father have to pay for childcare when he is perfectly capable of providing it himself? The money the woman gets "to look after the children" goes to pay off her mortgage, buy new shoes and holidays with the new “dad”, Certainly in my case there is no way my children cost even half as much as their mother gets from me, and she certainly does not put it into savings for them.

Put a lot of extra security on your computer. Privacy software can easily be found on the web, look especially at the more reputable software sites like tucows.com.

Get some advice from friends as to a good solicitor, go and see them and you may also like to put down a deposit on services.

In the pre-divorce (marriage going down the drain) period you should be trying to hide your money. Withdrawals of £450 are OK but not £500 or over. Keep the cash safe and don’t worry about losing interest, losing interest is better that losing it all.

Put your original marriage certificate in a bank box or other safe hiding place as that will enable you to determine the timing of the divorce (you ideally want to be the applicant).

Get your post forwarded to a safe address, enlist the help of your neighbours and report any threats your wife makes to the police – if you are on the receiving end of violence then report it immediately.

In the divorce application phase much mud will be slung. Keep calm and do not issue counter-petitions or lots of supplementary questionnaires etc, just let it slide off you as there is no point in spending uselessly, the court regards any petition as proof that the marriage is over, so your divorce is certain; just try to keep it cheap. Keep withdrawing cash and remember to pay all your bills – especially your legal bills – just before the FDR.

Try to retain the “marital home”, but if you think you will be moving out or selling the “marital home”, then this is a good time to buy a new house, with one bedroom for you and a bedroom each for the children.

For the FDR, your Statement of Arrangements for the Children should be positive but general, like: “the children have lived with both of us and I would like this arrangement to continue as shared residency”. But it is now time to decide what relationship you want with your children and what you are prepared to sacrifice to get that. If you are willing to be an every-other-weekend (or worse) dad, paying high Child Maintenance and probably having to live in a one-bed maisonette, then that’s your choice. If the children’s mother wants non-financial issues included in the agreement (“The children will reside with their mother Monday to Friday” is an insidious example) then you have to decide quickly, because if you accept this then your contact will be very little and your expenses high. Do not try to fool yourself that you can work it out later: If you want to have your children more often that this, then say "no" and fight it through to a Final Hearing as soon as possible – because if she is bringing it up so early on, then you are going to go to Final Hearing anyway and so you may as well have the cost removed from your assets.

However, if your wife is seriously trying to lock you out of the children’s life and you don’t have an excellent defence, then you may as well emigrate. A list of countries where the CSA can still get you is published on their web site. Be careful, however (especially if they have a Liability Order against you) as you may lose your assets in the UK. They may well invalidate your passport, meaning you will have great difficulty coming back or travelling to third countries.

If you are going to a Final Hearing, then practice hard, because the CafCass officer has to be handled correctly. The officer is biased in favour of mothers. He or she will be with you for between 2 and 4 hours and I cannot underline enough that your performance in this time will determine the rest of your life. Under the present rules, shared residency is the best a male can achieve.

Start putting as much money as possible into your pension: You have probably just given half your pension away so it is quite reasonable to save up again. Also it will reduce your Child Maintenance payments, which are calculated from your net salary, i.e. after deductions.

From the very beginning you should refuse to talk to the CSA in the phone and demand that all communication be written. Do not send them any documents you would not want your ex to see, as they will come to light at any Tribunal. After the Final Hearing, fill in the CSA Direct Debit forms (otherwise you'll be issued with a Deduction from Earnings Order) immediately and get them sent off.

Assuming you get some decent contact with your kids, make sure the school and the GP have both parental addresses (i.e. yours as well) on file. If there should be difficulties then enlist the aid of the local council education department and PCT. My local PCT reckoned that divorced fathers never can access their children’s medical records. If needed threaten them with proceedings under the Sexual Discrimination Act and serve them with an SD74 (available on-line or from any Jobcentre).

Many women change their minds when they get a new boyfriend and suddenly want to cut the father out of any contact at all with their children. Thus you have to go back to Court again: Save money by completing the EX160 Fees Remission form; if your net earnings (after Tax, CSA ransom etc) are not particularly high you could be eligible for Fees Remission and post the completed document in your court application. Remember it is what you are left with AFTER living/CSA costs that determine the remission of fees you can get.

Then finally, get together with a new woman who has 2 kids younger or the same age as yours, because having other children in your household will reduce your Child Maintenance payments until they are 19.