The Statement of Arrangements for Children:

The Statement of Arrangements for Children is quite straightforward and it is common that the divorcing parties vary in their views. What you should be saying is that up to now the children have lived with both of you and you would like this arrangement to continue as shared residency. That is probably sufficient at this point. But now you will have to decide what relationship you want with your children and what you are prepared to sacrifice to get that.

Your past and future earnings can be looked at as that accumulated up to now (your assets) and what you will earn. Your assets will be split, but your future earnings will – so to speak – follow the children. So be aware that if you have young children and you are happy that your ex-wife has them, then this could cost you very large amounts in child maintenance, the Child Support Agency can take your pay directly at source, leaving you around 25p in the pound from your salary for the next 10 or 15 years .... even into your retirement (and even after you are dead). If you want to see your children often and be a good dad to them, then, unless your ex-wife agrees, you will have to go to Final Hearing on this. If this is an issue to be resolved early, then your Financial Dispute Resolution (and final divorce) will be put back to accommodate this. Furthermore, the costs of the Final Hearing will be deducted from your assets.

Going to Final Hearing will cost both parties some £10-15.000 each. That sounds expensive but the money should be seen in the light of child maintenance payments, which for e.g. 2 kids of 6 is another 15 years (remember you pay child maintenance until they finish full-time education) and ,B>could well amount to over £100.000. If you at any point lose or agree to your ex-wife having formal full residence then the only way to gain more is if your kids (as opposed to you) take her to court, so the “Final” in Final Hearing is quite what it says ... if you lose then there is not much hope left.

If the worst should happen and sole Residency is officially awarded to her, then she will have enormous power: She can change the childrens school, town of domicile, or religion without asking you. If she marries again she can change their name and even have the next sucker adopt them, without you being able to utter even a peep of protest.